Dear Jimmy, 

Today I’ve been thinking about you a lot. 

It would be exactly 19 months and 3 days since I fell in love with you.

I just want to talk to you. I want to settle everything. 

I’m lying

I just want to see you. I want to see your face. I just want to see your reaction into what I’ve turned into… a beautiful young woman. 

Maybe you’d miss me.

Probably not. 

I want to know what you think of me. Do you hate me with every mend of your being? Do you miss me? Do you ever even think of me? I just want to know… really fucking bad. I want to tell you something. 

I don’t know how. You have my number blocked and my facebook blocked. I just want to see your face. 

I feel like I forget what you even look like. 

Then I look at this…

And I remember how fucking cute we were together. 

Oh darling, I don’t know what to do.

I just want to start it all over. I want to go back to October 5, 2010 and do things the right way. 

Everything happens for a reason. 

And I guess for the most part, I’m really happy with the way my life is going. 

Maybe I don’t even want to talk to you. That would confuse me way too much. I don’t even know what I want anymore. 

I’m going to stop writing to you before I confuse myself to death.

Love you always

Jay

10510 

Dear Jimmy, 

Okay now I’m crying? Why did I even log in to this stupid fucking blog. Now you’re on my mind. I know I have a boyfriend and I really do care about him more than anyone will ever understand but you and me shared something that I could never have with anybody. Internal happiness. 

much love.

jay

Sometimes I wonder if you ever look at this.

Because I know you know about it. 

Maybe someday you will see this.. 

And you will realize that I never stopped caring about you. 

I may not have those same feelings for you anymore but hey, we have a lot of memories that should never be forgotten.

I wrote something a while back with the intentions of putting it up here.. never had the balls I guess. 

Maybe someday you will actually understand what I went through.

much love always

Jamie

10.5.10

Dear Jimmy, 

It’s been months since we last spoke. 

Just want you to know you’re still on my mind all the time. 

I’ll always be here for you.

much love always

Jamie

10.5.10

Dear Jimmy, 

I tried finding a rebound, that didn’t work.

I tried everything, and you’re still the only thing that comes to my mind. 

This summer fucking sucked because I didn’t have you by my side.

Love ALWAYS, 

Jamie 

10.5.10

Dear Jimmy, 

I miss everything about ‘us’

I need to see you. 

I need to talk to you and tell you I love you.

Please talk to me. Please come see me.

-Jamie

10.5.10

Dear Jimmy, 

Incomplete and total adoration, 
My gift to you, my heart was yours. 
In ten weeks you shaped it, 
In one night you murdered it. 
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet, 
That first step you took was the worst. 
Since then you’ve walked a thousand miles in silence and short remark, 
I still have these memories, 
But we’ll never see what we could have been. 
Remember when we talked about where we’d be a year from now? 
Remember when you held my hand like you’d never let it go? 
Remember, cause that’s all you can do. 
We’ll never make another memory, 
We’ll never make another memory. 
I wish I’d have died in your arms the last time we were together, 
So I wouldn’t have to wake without you today. 
This time I thought things were real. 
You said they were, what happened? 
You were a priority, was I an option? 
I let you see a side of me that I don’t share with anyone. 
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled. 
you knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart…

Dear Jimmy,

even though we broke up a month ago.. i’m still in so much pain. I’ve tried to move on, i’ve tried to so hard..

but I cant.

no one can make me feel how you made me feel.

I really wish you would text me back. I really wish you would talk to me. I really wish you would help me through this like you said you would.

I wish you would take me back.

I wish you would tell me you love me.

I wish you would kiss me and tell me everything is going to be okay.

I wish you would hold me again.

I wish you would call me and tell me how beautiful i am.

I wish I could still call you my boyfriend.

And most of all, I wish you knew how much this hurts.

The person who I loved most in life, just giving up on me.

I know this all sounds crazy.. seeing as I am the one who broke up with you. But i’m fucking stupid and this is my biggest regret in life.

I told myself, while I was at camp, that I wasn’t going to live my life in regret anymore… but i cant get over this.

I hate myself so much for what I did, I want to die everyday of my life.

I want to be with you, babe, and I wish you wanted to be with me too.

Love always,

Jamie

10.5.10

Dear Jimmy, 

What happened last night? Why did I do what I did? I just don’t get my thought process. What drove me to do that? Every couple fights. It’s healthy. But I hate fighting with you. And I know you hate it too. I just want everything to go back to the way it was when we first met. Back when being together was the most important thing for the both of us. Back when we would sit in your car at the beach and just talk about everything. Back when who loved the other one more was the biggest argument we ever got into and back when whoever could kiss the other ones nose first was the biggest fight. I know everything can’t be JUST like that again, but can we try? I don’t need to be taken on dates, there is no need to involve a television… lets just make it the two of us. And now that it is getting nicer outside, we can sit on the beach and talk about everything. Please, Jimmy? Just kiss my nose and tell me you love me. 

Sincerly, 

Me

10.5.10

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